I don't really write to anyone in particular. Which is kind of odd, but somewhat freeing. So I continue. Well well well...I have been working and interning. And really, the interning thing is a lot like high school/first years of college, because I work on my own, which means I procrastinate. Unfortunately, now I'm down to my last 2 weeks, and I have to put in nearly 5 hours a day of work. Which is fine, except I'm working 20-30 hours a week. And, you know, trying to hang out with people and such. Whatever.
In other news...not much. I've been reconnected/hanging out with old and new (ish) friends. Not really new, just newer than my old ones. Ha. Been to some weddings/showers/baby events. It kind of makes me sad. But then I look at my present and my future and realize that sometimes I have no idea what the heck I'm doing so I've really got a lot on my plate. Just trying to be patient...but hurry up...a little. :)
Speaking of that, I had a dream about a mystery boy. I've never seen him in real life, but he was exactly my type, in terms of looks, and personality, and he was really big on protecting me and making me laugh. I mean, do I think I'll meet him? Realistically no, but it's all I've got going for me in that department right now, so I choose to think maybe I will. It's ok to have hopes, isn't it? Anyway, it happened after I had a slightly crappy night in terms of boys and awkwardness...and. It made me happier. So there.
I'm kinda in a weird phase in my life right now. I think everyone anywhere close to my age is, the difference being I'm home and thoughtful and near a computer right now, thus I'm not afraid to admit it. I feel like I'm having trouble deciding what is important enough to hold onto and take into the future with me...and what just gradually needs to fall out of my life. That's hard for me, because I hate change/losing friends, etc. But it's part of growing up. So here's to growing up...but staying young at heart?? Eh? But really...I just kind of feel like I think too much. I've been biting my tongue/cheek/grinding my teeth in my sleep, too, so it's carrying over there, and I really think I'm just worrying pretty constantly, and far more than any person should. Which isn't a surprise, I just haven't figured out how to master it in my 21 years of living. I just feel like I'm definitely not the same as I used to be...or like I am, but maybe everyone else isn't? Which is ok, but I'm just wondering when "my people" will show up, or when I will find "my niche". I don't know. I'm tired and rambling.
Someone asked me today what kind of job I want after I graduate, and I stared blankly at them. So I guess I should get on that.
I've been wanting to have a Christmas movie/music/food marathon soon, so I need to get on organizing that.
That is all.
Marathon -- I'm in.
ReplyDeleteDude. I feel the same way about friends/life/out-of-place-ness. You're probably right in the fact that everyone our age goes through this. I feel content with the people I'm surrounded with, but when it REALLY comes down to it, I feel like there's more available. Maybe it's all the fantastical movies we watch. Or maybe not. I've always felt a little different than the kids in my age group, even when I was 8 years old I would cry to my mom that I wanted more out of my friendships. Who knows, maybe we are different? But for now I spose we can fully enjoy the people we are surrounded by currently.
I think it's the fact that everyone is growing up and moving to different places and their paths are becoming more specific and personalized. Sometimes I feel behind in that aspect because I still don't know what I want to do with my life. Be it tomorrow, during school, after school, or even further down the road. Yeah...
Woo ramblage!